“You’re soft and cuddly, just like a teddy bear,” she said. He cast his eyes to the side, the vein on his forehead pulsing… He wasn’t sure, but he believed she just called him fat.
My toothpaste has beads of Scope in it… This means when I brush my teeth, I smell a very strong alcohol scent. I walk away wondering if that smell stays on my breath… If, when I’m talking to people, they sniff and say “Wow, he’s blitzed.” I don’t know. What I’m reasonably sure, is that … Continue reading “Liquored Up”
ABC is showing A Charlie Brown Christmas tonight. I have no doubt in my mind that it will be filled with commercials from Wal-Mart and Target… Telling us to make new Christmas memories by buying a PS3 for our kids. Dear Marketing Execs–have you people ever actually watched this special??
I have over four hundred songs on my Christmas Mix this year. The genres range from rock to country to reggae. It is a collection of random Christmas music pulled from various CDs, LPs and Cassettes. Here are some random thoughts concerning the mix… Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC is the greatest Christmas song … Continue reading “Chris’ Christmas Mix 2009 Extravaganza!!”
Outside, snow is falling. It looks gorgeous, as it settles to the ground. Somewhere inside, my heater starts clanking. Smoke drifts in from the vents. Flashing lights, and a blaze on the horizon. The fight is long, but I’m safe. The same can’t be said for my house. For, now, inside, snow is falling.
When I die, I want my last words to be something profound, like “With each passing breath, we move one step closer to the great unknown, that is the afterlife.” But, I know better. My last words will probably be, “Are you going to eat that last pizza roll?”
I hope when I die, that I go out in a totally awesome way. We all say that, but I’m not sure people know what it actually means. I want to go down, in a hail of gunfire, while I’m protecting some life-giving medicine… Meanwhile, as my eyes are slowly closing… I reach out to … Continue reading “On Death”
I stood behind a guy in line for a greasy cheeseburger at the County Fair His skin was thickened leather, and his voice, a remainder of countless cigarettes. Everything he talked about was a son’a’bitch. This was a son’a’bitch. That was a son’a’bitch. He ordered his cheeseburger, and now he was waiting for the son’a’bitch. … Continue reading “Son’a’Bitch — An Allegorical Tale”
If I could emulate any celebrity, it’d be David Hasslehoff – circa Baywatch Nights. The man knew how to wear a suit. And fight werewolves. Man, that show was awesome.
Blood spills out into the street, accompanied by life. How can this happen, they scream Their voices echo into the starry night above. ‘Because,’ the stars return, ‘your souls are dark. And without My light, they fester.’