I stood behind a guy in line for a greasy cheeseburger at the County Fair His skin was thickened leather, and his voice, a remainder of countless cigarettes. Everything he talked about was a son’a’bitch. This was a son’a’bitch. That was a son’a’bitch. He ordered his cheeseburger, and now he was waiting for the son’a’bitch. … Continue reading “Son’a’Bitch — An Allegorical Tale”
If I could emulate any celebrity, it’d be David Hasslehoff – circa Baywatch Nights. The man knew how to wear a suit. And fight werewolves. Man, that show was awesome.
Blood spills out into the street, accompanied by life. How can this happen, they scream Their voices echo into the starry night above. ‘Because,’ the stars return, ‘your souls are dark. And without My light, they fester.’
Dear Amazon.com, Selling Modern Warfare 2 for $59.99 on Cyber-Monday is not a “special deal”. Everywhere sells it for $59.99, every day. You’ve just sold it for normal price. Does this sort of thing ever work?
When I can’t get any lower… When I think I’ve hit the bottom… When I’m convinced things can’t get any worse… Jesus Christ, Your love floors me.
The hot tub at the hotel is not hot. The heating mechanism is out. This really makes it more of a “tepid tub”. And that’s just a terrible way to sell a hotel room.
Lines, Lines and More Lines. Car is parked, door is open. Screw you, Black Friday. —-It’s a haiku.
I often wonder if turkeys fear Thanksgiving. If, when September rolls around, they begin to sweat. They look at a calendar, their eyes glazing over. They look into the future, and all they see is a roaster. I think about this sort of thing a lot. And then I put the piece of turkey in … Continue reading “On Thanksgiving…”
I sometimes wish I had horns on my face. Not for some religious reason, or anything. I just think it would be awesome to walk down the street and hear everyone say, “Hey, that guy has horns on his face.”